Hugs, a Cure, and the Rants of a Deprived-Delena Fan

Truth be told, I was FURIOUS last night. I literally went off on a tirade in front of my roommate. I said things I wasn’t proud of. Okay, yes I was. I was very proud of my hilarious, desperate-for-Delena rant. I thought I would give myself the night to cool off (and I had a major Math test this morning. Ew.) and then write about the episode. However, as I recap, I thought I would include my Delena-obsessed filter. It’s too funny not to include according to my friends. You’re welcome.

Note: It’s not that I dislike Stefan. I think he is a well-written, multi-dimensional character. I just think he is watered down with Elena. He could be so much more.

The first thing we see is five super-buff hot male specimens grace our screen. I was like DAYUM. These casting directors must have a ball with all these hot guys around. And seriously, does The Vampire Diaries ever cast a ugly guy? I really can’t think of one. Anyway, these guys are a part of “the five” that Klaus alluded to last episode. These five men are THE original vampire hunters. Some witch casts a spell and they tattoos on their perfectly chiseled chests (at least they avoided the pain of getting a tattoo).

Then we get a Elena/Stefan scene. She tells him about how she is tagging along with Bonnie and Damon on a trip to Whittmore College (where Grams used to teach). Stefan is going to stay behind and find out what Klaus is up to. Damon is going to teach Elena how to feed since Stefan’s bunny diet is no bueno. She says that even though she’ll be with Damon that Stefan is the one “getting her through this”. LIES. She is lying her ass off.

DELENA me: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? How can you not be the LEAST bit angry at the guy who MADE you become a vampire? Not that I didn’t want Matt to be saved but even Edward Cullen would have had enough sense to save them both.

We head to the Grill where Matt is working as usual. I think they should have a Magic Mike night with him and Jeremy. Talk about tips. Matt wouldn’t have to work for a year after that. Just a suggestion. Rebekah gives Matt a new truck. TOTES PRESH. It better have been filled up with gas. She really is trying (and we’ll get to more about her in a bit). I really believe she could like Matt. I want to see this go somewhere. Matt needs himself a lady friend.

Damon, Elena, and Bonnie make their way to Whittmore College. Damon just drives up in the middle of campus. No one ever does that. Except maybe Damon. I’ll allow it. Elena is having trouble choosing a victim. So instead they head to class! They go to Professor McHottie, I mean Shane’s class and basically Damon and Elena talk the whole time.

Stefan goes over to Klaus’s house (hey, that rhymes) and discovers Connor all tied up. And then Stefan says one of his best lines to date, “So much trouble to truss him up in a Red Room of Pain,” SERIOUSLY?! Did Stefan just say that? He is SOOOO much more badass when he isn’t with Elena. The 50 Shades of Grey reference was long overdue although I was for certain they would give it to Somerhalder. Stefan also has another fantastic line in this episode as well and it’s not even dramatic…it’s actually really funny.

Then Klaus basically tells Stefan to get Rebekah to come make up with Klaus or GTFO. Stefan succeeds and they all have a nice family meal together. Klaus is such a good brother. He tells Rebekah to eat her veggies. Aw. Then Stefan says his next best line: “Let me just name the million other people I’d rather be having dinner with right now.” At this point I’m rolling. This was too funny. See how cool Stefan can be? Julie, I NEED MORE OF THIS STEFAN.

We get another epic flashback story, this time to the 12th century. First thing I notice…ELIJAH…EFFING ELIJAH. It’s been too long. He NEEDS to come back to Mystic Falls. His hair is once again impeccable. We see the Five guy again and his name is Alexander AND Rebekah is dating him. They make a really hot couple. Just saying. Rebekah falls in love with him even though he is hunting people like her. She tries to go all Sleeping with the Enemy and even tells her the tattoo is a map. At first I thought she succeeded but then BAM! she gets daggered. Turns out, Alexander daggers the entire Original family but it doesn’t exactly work on Klaus since he is part werewolf. Basically, Klaus gets REAL PISSED. He kills Alexander and even rips out his tongue (ouchie). I knew this couldn’t just be the end of everything. And I was right…there was one more MAJOR detail that Rebekah tells us later.

Meanwhile, there is a frat party at the college and its dress up as your favorite murderer or victim. Damon calls it Douche Central (and he is right, it really is). Damon basically comes as Stefan and Elena and Bonnie are his victims. First thing we see when they walk in is PROFESSOR SHANE. Now tell me, how can a professor come to a frat party where there is UNDERAGE drinking and STILL keep his job? Tisk tisk writers.

FINALLY Elena picks out a victim and it’s a douche trying to roofie some girl. She takes him in another room and feeds. I thought she was going to kill him but then she refrained. Damon is there watching over her and when she is through she hugs Damon. YAY HUGS. She then says “I want more”
DELENA me: I’m pretty sure her saying “I want more” isn’t just for blood. She wants the D…as in Damon.

We get to the bottom of the BIG REVEAL of the whole Five deal. A CURE. There is a cure out there. And the tattoo map leads RIGHT to is supposedly. Klaus and Stefan strike a deal. If Stefan helps him find the cure it will be the “answer to all his problems” (i.e. Elena can become human again and Stefan as well if he pleases). Klaus wants Elena to become human so he can make more hybrids. Klaus tells Stefan he has to keep it a secret even from Damon and Elena.

DELENA me: Man, when Elena finds out what Stefan is hiding from her she is going to be MAJORLY PISSED. You know how she gets when people don’t tell her things. AND…how is she REALLY going to feel when she finds out Stefan struck a deal with the guy who wanted to kill her and use as a blood bank? BETRAYAL my friends is what she will feel.

Elena is having SOOO much fun feeding and dancing at the party. She legitimately looks happy and I don’t think its just from being on a blood high. She starts dancing with Damon (I’m like… OH BOY this is moment I’ve been waiting for…the HUGE Delena scene everyone has been talking about…I can practically see it all happening before me). She does LICK blood from his neck. It is pretty sexy but then…ARMAGEDDON.

DELENA me: DAMMIT BONNIE. You ruined it. THIS IS WHY I WANT YOU TO BE KILLED OFF. You just cockblocked what could have been an EPIC scene. Elena gets all like “poor me” and runs off. I. AM. SEETHING.

Now, lets just give a round of applause for Damon in these next couple of scenes. He didn’t run after Elena…he just kept on dancing. Elena goes outside and is all like “I don’t know who am. Right now I’m like interesting and fun but I’m really just a boring girl with no fashion sense. I’m not about this life.” Bonnie’s like “Yeah, Damon is a dick even though I eye-flirt with him ALL the time.” Damon comes outside and wants to split. Bonnie goes all judgmental and Damon tells her to get off his grill and have some fun. Elena starts crying. UGH. Just get over yourself and JUMP HIM.

THEN THE BEST SCENE OF THE ENTIRE SHOW. Rebekah and actress Claire Holt were stunningly amazing in this scene. She comes back to casa de Salvatore to talk with Stefan. She says she was willing to leave behind her family for a cure and to live with Hottie McCaveman. Aw, shucks. She asks Stefan whether he would take the cure if he had the chance. He goes all romantic and says he wants to have an eternity together but he knows if/when Elena makes her first cure, she will turn off humanity and she’ll be lost forever. She’s driven by love and compassion and if she kills those traits will no longer be a part of her.

DELENA me: I don’t think that will be the case. She just needs to gets some balls. Maybe she can go all vigilante and only kill people who do bad things? And…COMPASSION MY ASS. She is so bitchy to Damon…ALL THE TIME. AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.

Stefan says he would take the cure as well just so he could spend the rest of his life with Elena, have children with her, die together and be buried beside one another.

DELENA me: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS STEFAN? You would really do that to your brother who you FORCED to turn into a vampire just so you wouldn’t be alone? Low blow. I really don’t think that aspect is registering with Stefan at the moment. It WILL come into play in his decision if there really is a cure. I think Damon would go AWOL at this revelation. It would probably be the most hurtful thing anyone, including Elena, has ever done to him.

Rebekah tells him she buried Alexander even though he killed her…and buried him with his sword. OH SNAP. Rebekah realizes that Stefan didn’t really want to have a girl’s talk, he wanted that important information for Klaus. DAMN. Now Rebekah gets PISSED. Klaus comes in the room and calls her a “hopeless fool” and prepares to stake her. She tries to run once but Stefan stops her. Then she has a flawless monologue:

“Go right ahead. Laugh at the girl who loved too easily. But I would rather live my life than yours Nik. No one will EVER sit around a table telling stories about a man who couldn’t love. Do it. Look me in the eye and do it you coward! DO IT!”

And he stakes her. But he couldn’t look her in the eye. Because he knows what she is saying is true. I also think she didn’t fight off him staking her because there is something else she isn’t telling him about the cure/map/everything. Something big. Or she knows Elijah will eventually come for her and unstake her.

Damon walks Elena to the front porch of her house. I’m like…PORCH SCENE?!?! MAYBE THIS WILL BE THE MOMENT? Nope, all hope is lost. They talk, she acknowledges that things got a little heated. Ya think? She also knows that Damon is right when it comes to being a vampire but she doesn’t want to be like him. Ouch. Damn, you’re a bitch sometimes Elena. Give the guy a break. At least he doesn’t DECAPITATE people like Stefan. Then Stefan comes outside. GET OFF THEIR PORCH.

Damon then realizes he isn’t wanted so he tells Stefan “She’s all yours”. This is big. I think this is finally the sign that Damon is going to back off Elena and Stefan for awhile. He needs to. He needs to find some happiness, even if it isn’t what he truly wants. He really understands that Elena chose Stefan and for RIGHT NOW that’s who she needs. I’m fully convinced this will lead him to Meredith. She will be the one to pick up the pieces and put a smile on Damon’s face. Meredith and Damon, yeah I ship them. I’m a hardcore Delena fan but I want Elena to pine after him, I want her to come after him. And really, I want Elena to need him for something and he tells her to EFF OFF cause he is with Meredith. I cannot wait for the Miss Mystic Falls dance…pretty certain Meredith will be his date. He needs to have a relationship with someone else and develop real feelings for them. I really just want Elena to be super jealous when Damon looks legitimately happy with someone else. Elena and Damon will be together in the end. She just hasn’t acknowledged the true capacity of her feelings for him because it terrifies her that they are so powerful. He consumes her. He is her soulmate…she just hasn’t realized it yet.

Julie Plec…YOU’RE KILLING ME. I need Delena. SO MUCH. You gotta give me some Damon lovin’ soon.

Oh, and earlier…Connor goes all Mike Tyson and kills one of the hybrids and then makes his way to the office of PROFESSOR SHANE. NOOOOO. He is so cute.

Last thing…to my Delena comrades. Patience my friend. Delena will happen. At least we got a hug and some dancing. *Sigh*

So here is my insanely long recap. I will write more on The Vampire Diaries than any other show because its my jam. Hope you enjoyed it! See you Sunday for Once Upon a Time (Hook!), Revenge (Nolan!), The Walking Dead (Daryl and Rick!), and Homeland (Carrie and Brody!).

Off to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower!